After continuing our e-courting across about 2,500 miles, I let the Canadian "in" a bit... the first mistake I always make with guys who are actually pursuing anything more than sex. I let him know about my frustration with the distance and how it is obviously a huge obstacle in any relationship - for friends and more-than-friends alike. He called me a pessimist, seemed disappointed at my carelessness with our clear connection and oh-so awesome encounter and insisted we must continue, and that he is willing to try, and why am I not willing?
After hearing what I then-believed to be a genuine portrayal by an adult with desires unobstructed by usual, fickle intrigue, I let myself really like him; mistake number 2. A lowered guard always leads to vulnerability which leads to insistent inadequacy. I mean let's be honest, low expectations are the sure-fire way to being impressed, so why ever believe you'll have more than what you see?
Long story too-short, he'd been too busy to text or call over about four days (because as an executive of a multi-million dollar company, I can attest to the extremely time-consuming and over-bearing task of typing "hello" and the equally exhausting workload of clicking send during a busy day), and so I knew something was coming.
Lo and behold, I was dumped. Again. By someone I was convinced to have more interest in. Again.
I really had nothing to say since I just experienced it with the facebook/post-it dude in April. Although, this was never an actual possibility for anything lasting, with or without the distance. It wasn't "there" and I knew it. It's a weakness I have -It's all or nothing right away with my heart.
But back to my ego and shallow hurt pride: I guess I thought he'd be different. Why do we always think they'll be different?
He claimed he was in "holiday mode" and so he said things that, IN CONTEXT, were true and well-meant, yet the reality of his hard, hard life has set in and truly changed his mind about everything.
He asked if we could still talk, because he doesn't see the point in cutting each other out completely.
I don't see the point in not.
I really suck at not sucking with love. If you ask me, I see too much opportunity with people and what they are all about.
Or maybe most aren't about much more than themselves. Which would be fine, if they even knew who they were.
Apparently this plague is not limited to Los Angeles. Scary...
On an equally doomed note, I met an amazing guy a few nights ago - he's already begun telling me about how I'm so different than his past girlfriends who are just not right for him...
Next!
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